


Matchmaker, Matchmaker

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Fluff, Future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-06-10
Updated: 2005-06-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 21:31:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12067350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: How to pick Prince Charming. Set sometime shortly after 513 very slight spoilers.





	Matchmaker, Matchmaker

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Authors note: Thank you to Gayle for coming up with the title.

* * *

It was a hot night at Babylon. Brian stood up on the catwalk and looked out over his kingdom. He was dressed in his ‘you know you want me but you can’t have me’ clothes. He spotted Emmett down at the bar; he was looking a little less flamboyant than usual. Brian decided he was feeling a bit parched and decided to join his friend. Yes he considered Emmett to be his friend even if the man got on his nerves every so often. With an incline of his head a Beam magically appeared by his hand.

“What’s the matter Emmett? Crying in your Cosmo is so not attractive.”

Emmett glared “I’m not crying I’m… contemplating.”

Brian grinned “condomplating mmm never a good sign.”

Emmett rolled his eyes. He debated weather it was worth confiding in Brian or not, there was always the chance of ridicule. These days’s Brian was a bit more approachable now so maybe he’d bend his ear a little. “I want a man.”

Brian looked at him like he was crazy. He gestured to the dance floor. “Take your pick.”

“No, that’s not what I mean. I want my prince. I want what you have with Justin.”

“No you don’t” Brian said seriously. He loved Justin dearly but he wouldn’t wish this kind of relationship on anyone. It was hard and messy and half the time he was just waiting to fuck things up royally. He didn’t regret it though. Justin was it for him. 

“You miss him” Emmett stated.

“Yeah I do.”

“He’ll be back you know.” 

Brian smiled “I know.”

Brian gestured to an alcove where they could sit and talk with less noise. “Why now?” 

Emmett sighed “I’m sick of being alone, sick of having my heart broken all the time.”

Brian shook his head. “That’s not good enough. If you’re tired of being alone get a dog. You get your heart broken all the time because you wear it on your fucking sleeve and mistake every guy your with for ‘the one’. I think you’re in love with the idea of being in love.”

“If you’re trying to cheer me up you’re failing miserably.”

“I was telling you the truth.” Brian sighed “but if you think you’re ready for the real thing. A long lasting committed relationship I’ll help you.”

Emmett looked at Brian in disbelief “come again?” 

“No thanks I’m loyal to Justin. I said I’ll help you. So help me if you tell anyone about this.” 

“I know I know you’ll hunt me down and castrate me.”

Brian looked amused “Well I could use a nut.”

Emmett looked horrified.

Brian snorted “like I’d want your testicle, now regale me with what you’re looking for.”

Emmett eyed him skeptically. “Well someone good looking with a big dick that knows how to use it and is fanatically well off.” 

“Sorry Em I’m taken.”

Emmett made a disgruntled noise.

“Go on” Brian smirked.

“He has to be tall and built but not overly so. I want someone to treat me good, the way I deserved to be treated.” Emmett flashed back to the time Teddy was doing crystal. He didn’t want a repeat of that. Even though they mended their fences it still hurt that he’d been used and abused. “It would have to be someone that would put up with my quirky behavior.”

“You mean endure your drama queen antics and not be afraid to be seen with you in public. While your fashion taste has improved a little it still leaves a lot to be desired.”

“I’m not asking for to much am I?”

Brian shook his head. “It doesn’t matter it’s what you want and you shouldn’t settle for anything less.”

Emmett smiled a little he could get use to this Brian. “How exactly are you going to help me find my dream prince?”

“That’s easy how do you think I use to pick my tricks?”

“Um at random.”

“True, but I also know what I’m looking for. I’m in advertising it’s my job to know what people want, what they’ll respond to and what their preferences are.” Brian nodded towards a beefy guy dancing with a twink. “See that guy? Acts like a top but he’s the nellyest bottom there is, plus he has a tiny dick.”

“You’ve probably already had him.”

“Please I have my standards and that guy is below even a pity fuck. Go on pick a guy and I can tell you what they are in to.”

Emmett smiled he kind of liked this game. “Ok oooh how about him” Emmett pointed to a cute Latin guy.

Brian huffed a laugh “howler.”

Emmett shuddered remembering his own recent experience with a howler. “No thanks once was quite enough.”

Brian laughed “yeah Lindsay told me about that.”

“Him,” he gestured to a tall dark and handsome guy.

Brian smirked “he has a rough tongue it’s like being blown by a cat.”

Emmett made a face in displeasure. “Ohh he’s kinda cute.” Emmett pointed to a cute blonde twink shaking his stuff.

Brian cringed “God no he’s a laugher, laughs every time he cums. There is nothing more unnerving than having your dick buried up someone that is laughing their ass off.”

Emmett scanned the crowds “ok him.”

“Animals, I believe goats are his preference.”

Emmett looked at him skeptically. “Ok now you’re putting me on.”

“Nope see how he walks kinda stooped over and bowlegged, baaaa.”

“Ewwww stop, yuck! All right Mr. Kinney find me my prince.”

Brian took his time scanning the crowds, he didn’t want to rush it. Emmett was his friend and he wanted to choose well. Brian smiled as soon as he spotted him. The guy had just walked in. He could be wrong but he looked like an out of towner. He was everything Emmett was looking for. The guy was tall maybe even an inch taller than himself. He was average looking, while he wasn’t beautiful he wasn’t plain. His clothes spoke of money but not in an obnoxious ‘look at me I have money’ kind of way. Brian pointed him out.

“Him.” He said with a tongue in cheek smirk.

Emmett looked him over getting use to the idea. He was more than a bit nervous and just a wee bit frightened; it was all happening so fast. “Are you sure he’s prince charming?”

“I’m never wrong” he said with confidence then shrugged. “If I am I don’t like to admit it.” Brian gestured with his eyes. “He’s your man.” Brian decided to part with another pearl of wisdom to his friend. “Before you let him fuck you, you should tighten up that worn out ass of yours.” He leaned in and whispered the secret ingredient that was a best kept secret by all the hustlers to keep tight.

“Really? That works?”

“In moderation of course you don’t want to totally seal it shut.”

Emmett winced “is that what Justin uses?”

Justin doesn’t need to use anything he’s naturally virgin tight, always has been always will be.”

“All righty then this girls gonna go snag herself a prince, ta ta wish me luck.”

When Emmett was out of ear shot Brian murmured “good luck, you’ll need it.”

The next time he looked up Emmett and his ‘prince’ was out on the dance floor having a high ol’ time. Since he did his good deed for the night he decided to go home. He was tired and he didn’t want to miss Justin’s nightly call.


End file.
